sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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