she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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