He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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