we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
