Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
