I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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