I'm eating all of the evidence.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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