does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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