the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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