I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
