I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
