The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
