Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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