I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize