walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Oh god it's open bar.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
