youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
