I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Tell her she can't have a vagina
My balls are so social today.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Randomize
