I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
