Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I have fence marks all over my body
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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