Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
