I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
