My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
