No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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