A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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