I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize