You made me cry and you don't even care
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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