how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
