Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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