We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
