Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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