dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
