Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
