dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
