OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I had to cum in my sink.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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