We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
