I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
3 2 1 whiskey
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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