Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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