My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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