my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
