Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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