im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
