Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
