ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
