I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
