She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
