Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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