Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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