craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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