so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
