I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
