Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
