he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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