I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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