Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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