That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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