Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
All I want is dick and wine.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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