When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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