I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
